Noa had so many firsts.
She grew and captured out hearts more each day.
I learned how to juggle my time between being a wife,teacher, coach, and mom.
Jim was laid off and I thought that was the toughest challenge for our family of 3. I felt like a derailed train... He quickly got a new job, one he loves. I was happy we were back on track.
I hired a new assistant coach. I was optimistic and excited for the ability of our staff to lead our team to new heights. I had the opportunity to hire a young man whom I had the pleasure to watch play as a high school boy. He was full of life and energy. We planned endlessly and formed a professional relationship that had me eager for the 2013 season to start.
An early morning in February changed so much. Devin died in a tragic accident.
A life of promise cut so short.
I had to help young people learn how to mourn (many mourners for the first time). I went out each day that spring, hoping I did enough.
The first practice, game, were hard. Our plan may have derailed... But by mid session we had learned how to cope, we had gotten back on track towards our plan. We made Devin a part of our everyday.
But 2013 had more in store.
An unimaginable, horrible, plan in store.
It was an ordinary April day... I went to sleep exhausted after a day of work and Lacrosse game. Lunches packed, lessons done, practice planned.
I got a phone call that continues to replay in my head.
"Gene was hurt on a fire"
The next few hours were filled with words like "cardiac arrest", "coma" , "brain damage", "oxygen deprivation", "co poisoning."
Life was sucked out of me! I could not and still can't imagine what back on track looks like.
After eight days of an up and down emotional ride, Gene took his last breath, as I held his hand.
Picking out a casket, giving a eulogy, sitting shiva... Not what I ever imagined for 2013.
2013 tested me. It was a year of great loss. So much loss. (Devin, Gene, Gina, Superman Sam, so many unimaginable losses).
2013 tested my strength, friendships, my belief in g-d, my family, and my optimism.
I will never understand why. It is unfair and unbelievable. It is unimaginable, but yet I lived and live it.
2014 will be a year where I will walk slowly in my journey of getting back on track.
I will have many more steps in my journey. So many emotional memorials and days await.
I am sad for the year that Gene will not have. For the year that we will not physically have with him.
2014, here I come. Be gentle on me, please. (borrowed line from another grieving survivor)
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| (Noa's Naming, 2012) The last family picture we have of all of us |
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| (Gene, 2012) |
