Count Down

Life is full of countdowns...
We count down each week to the weekend ahead, to paydays,
We count down to a new year, weddings, birthdays, and vacations.
We count down to retirement.
Usually, this time of year has me excited for the end of school year countdown.
Right now, the only countdown I can focus on, is the anniversary of the fire and of Gene's death.

11 days to the date of that fire... and 19 to the day that he died.
How quickly, yet slowly, a year has gone by.

Wishing there was a way to skip those day in the calendar,
to somehow make them disappear.

I don't know what those days will bring in terms of emotions,
but as they draw closer, I grow more anxious.

In between we count down to the release of the investigation report, the unveiling, the Shock Trauma Gala that will honor him, and Fallen Heroes Day...
As each of these events gets closer, my emotions change.
I am firing on all cylinders..
I am worried, but unsure of what.
I am angry, but unsure at whom.
I cry often, but unsure what brings it on.
I feel anxious, but unsure of why.
I am saddened, because in between all these dates are holidays, phone calls, hugs, texts, and visits that are missed.
I am part and not whole, because I have a Gene size hole in my heart, and it's growing larger as this countdown nears it's end.