It All Changes With Time

Noa and I went to visit Gene today...as we turn into Dulaney Valley, she recognizes the surroundings and says "We are going to see Uncle Gene."

There is so much excitement in her voice, some would be confused.

Noa was just 11 months old when Gene left us, she missed out on really getting to know him.

To her, this is the only place she remembers visiting Uncle Gene.

Each visit, as more time passes, as she ripens in age, so do her questions.

Her questions seek more and her heart grows bigger for her Uncle. 

As her questions deepen with curiosity, my words deepen with meaning.

Today, she walked over, and as she always does, asked why we go there if Uncle Gene is in the sky?

Trying to explain heaven to a 5 year old, is hard, I am doing my best as her mind develops.

She walks around, as she always has, looking at all the other plaques. 

We talk, about all the "heroes", about how they belong to someone. 

"They are someone's father or mother" 

"Mommy you mean someone's grand-mom or grand-dad?"

"Yes, that , too" as I suddenly realize for her losing a Mom or Dad does not seem possible. 

We take a seat on Uncle Gene's bench- taking time to just take it all in. 

Before we left, we walked back over to Uncle Gene-

"Mommy, can he hear me?" 

"Ofcourse!"

"Goodbye Uncle Gene" as she shouts looking up at the sky.

(even she knows we sometimes had to yell to get Gene to really hear us)

"Mommy, will he feel my hug?"

"Yes, Noa. Ofcourse"

She leans down and wraps her arms (as best she can) around his headstone and then leans close and kisses it.

"I gave him a kiss, Mommy"

"He will feel that, too"

We start to walk to the car and she yells "Goodbye Uncle Gene" 

I am reminded that our goodbye is "new" with each visit.

Time does not heal a thing... 

The pain of knowing what she missed out on and how much her pain will grow with each visit, makes it all that much worse.

She knows how to tug at my heart... 

"Mommy, Uncle Gene is in my heart"

"Yes, he always will be"

For this little 5 year old and her Mom, it all changes with time.

Praying that I continue to have the words as her questions deepen and that her heart continues to be protected by innocence.