Funeral, Shiva, Unveiling,
People can understand how hard those are,
when someone dies.
People comfort you during those times.
Often, its those unpredictable moments,
simple moments,
that are the hardest.
In tears at work or while listening to a song,
watching a movie, or seeing something that reminds me,
that you are gone.
Going through my contact list on my phone today,
and there is your name.
Part of me wants to keep going fast,
another part of me wants to stop, and just for that moment,
pretend that I can press the button and call you.
Then there is the part that wonders if I should erase the contact.
It's so hard knowing that I can't call.
That I can't hear your voice.
Wishing heaven had a phone.
As time passes,
I start to forget the sound of your voice.
I can hear your words and see the facial expressions you would make.
I wish I had one voicemail left,
so that I could listen to your voice.
I lost my brother almost 2 years ago and daily I still sit in the quiet straining trying to remember his voice, it's there.. like a recording sometimes just more difficult to find. I didn't save his last voicemail, I wanted to try to get it back. I demanded the phone company go and find it. It was lost. But I still remember it.. every word. " Hey girl, where have you been? I just wanted to talk. Call me, show me some love!" And then he was gone.. in a flash, in a burst of unforgettable sadness. I still hear him annoying and funny giving me hell for being a "girl" and not moving away from sadness as fast as he thinks I should have. Everything moved fast with him, relationships and work, life and death. He was always waiting for the next adventure and now sometimes I understand why he understood how short life was and not to let one day go by without living it.
ReplyDeleteGreat piece.
~ Crysta ~