Unanswered Questions

Does knowing make things better?
I have always been a student of the why and how.
When Gene got hurt, we concentrated on how to get him better.
When he died, our focus was how to survive.
Now, we find ourselves concentrating on the why. The unknown why.

I know it would not be easier if Gene had a terminal illness.
There would always be questions.
I know that no matter how a loved one dies,
there are always holes.
I am not insensitive to anyone else's loss,
but sometimes I wonder what that information would do.
and yes, I know, none of it will change the outcome.

With every report or conversation,
I question more the why and how.
I wonder more what happened in that room,
on the second floor of that home.
Did Gene suffer? Was he scared?
I want to believe that knowing would help.
That knowing would help us move forward in this journey.
The truth is, we may never know.
We may never know why Gene died!
That is very hard to live with.